I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
