Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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