You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
