"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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