My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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