Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
