bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
