he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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