You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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