My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
