she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
