It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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