no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize