I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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