yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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