i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He passed out mid-signature
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
