The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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