When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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