help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
