i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
