He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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