i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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