i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
