Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
