YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I look better un-naked...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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