She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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