He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
