Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
