ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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