I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
