even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
