what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
