sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
