I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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