How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
