just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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