So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
