He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
