omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ladies don't puke and tell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
