I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
