Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
