i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Acid is not a monday night drug
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
