yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
