Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
