All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
