You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
