so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
