I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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