Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
