Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
