She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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