hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize