You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
