I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
