Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
