Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
