Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it hurts more in the daytime
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
