her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
