Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
