who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
