you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
