I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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