I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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