apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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