A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
