Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
