I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
