I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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